Posted in self-care

How many times are you going to believe his lies?

Dear abused friend,

He did it again, didn’t he? Abused you. Yelled at you. Lied to you. Then he told you that it was your fault. That you pushed him too far. He made excuses. Blamed you, alcohol, his bad day, his bad boss, or his father. Too many bad choices, and here he is. But he wants to do better. He’s really trying. If only you’ll stay around and help him. He can only do better if you stay. He needs your support. He needs you. One day, he promises, everything will be better. No more abuse. No more tears. No more sorrow.

But it’s all a lie, isn’t it? How many times has he promised you that he’d change, but he didn’t? How many times has he promised you a better tomorrow? How many times are you going to believe his lies?

You’ve done nothing to deserve to be abused. You have never deserved his abuse. You are beautiful, worthy of being loved, of being treated with respect.

Don’t let your abuser define you. Don’t let him control you anymore. Never believe him. He doesn’t care for you; he only cares for himself. No matter how many times he has professed that he loves you, he doesn’t. No matter how kind he can seem, he isn’t kind. He’s the opposite of kind. He’s your enemy—remember that.

You may have had some good times with your abuser. You may have them still. Do not believe them. Unless you’ve seen the fruits of true repentance in his life, he’s setting you up to use you again. He will hurt you again. He will lie to you, take advantage of you, and seek to destroy you again. His kindness is a lie. Everything about him is a lie. No matter how many times he tells you he is changing, he isn’t. Most abusers never change; their hearts are simply too hardened against God. 

You may be exhausted and want to give up. Don’t. Fight for yourself. Fight for your children. Fight for your future. Do whatever it takes to keep standing one more day.

If you can, leave. Run to safety. He may try to prevent you from leaving. He may try to make you come back to him. Don’t listen to him. Don’t feel sorry for him. Ignore his tears. Harden yourself to his pleas. Protect yourself from his threats. Use the law if you have to. You deserve so much better. Your children deserve better. Do all that you can to get to a point where “better” defines your life.

You are so strong, dear friend, do you know that? Do you see your own strength? You get back up every single time he knocks you down. It might take you a while after the most brutal of attacks, but you never give up, do you? By the grace of God, you get back up and you keep on trying.

Trust in the goodness and the greatness of your Lord. He never fails. He is faithful and true. He is good, always and in all ways, no matter what. He loves His own with an everlasting love. He’s the perfect Husband, the mightiest and gentlest Father. Run to Him. Cling to Him. Trust Him with your life. He loves you. He cares for you. He hates what your abuser has done to you. When the waves roar, abide in prayer. The Lord will always meet you there.

Meanwhile, I’m praying for you.

A sister who understands~


Posted in self-care, Uncategorized

Stop Bullying Yourself

Whether your abuser used words or fists, you’ve been beaten down and wounded. Day after day, your abuser attacked you with lies. Night after night, you’ve suffered through his violence and venom. You’ve lived in craziness. You’ve been misled, mistreated and manipulated. You’re exhausted. It’s time for a new tactic. You’ve been beaten down long enough. You’ve believed his lies long enough. It’s time to give yourself a dose of truth. It’s time to stop bullying yourself.

I’m not suggesting that you give yourself positive affirmations. Trying to encourage yourself from the depths of your brokenness isn’t going to do all that much good. What you need to do is this: Stop calling yourself by the same evil words your abuser called you by. Whether he cursed you, told you that you were inferior, made fun of you or called you names, don’t ever go there again.

When you “hear” the words playing around in your mind, fill your mind with God’s Word instead. Your enemy called you evil names or said cruel things about you. God calls you His child, His daughter, loved, saved, justified. It is what the Lord has to say about you that matters. Fill your mind with His truth.

Philippians 4: 8, Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.