What do you do when you don’t know what to do? When there are far too many questions and you have no answers at all? If you are a Christian, you turn to Jesus.
I couldn’t have made it through the days and years of my life without the Lord. Just like His Word says, when my father and my mother abandoned (or abused) me, He took me up (Psalms 27:10). Added to that was when faced with chronic illness, when poverty struck, when my babies were lost to miscarriage, when my husband abused me, when two of my nine children pushed me out of their lives, when…. so many other things.
Jesus is not only the Way, the Truth, and the Life, He is also the only One that has ever been faithfully faithful to me. So, just like so many times before, I’m turning to Him, trusting Him to make a way where there is no way.
My husband is still abusive. He is abusive to the point where my teenaged daughter felt the need to start a GoFundMe to try to find the means of our leaving him.
On top of his abuse, he’s financially inept. He’s gone bankrupt three times. He owes everybody and his brother, and then some. He’s borrowed from all of his family, again and again, and never repaid. He’s borrowed from others and never repaid. He’s also gotten money from others with no intention of repaying, as in “hey, can you give me this?” He owes landlords money in two states. We’ve lived in a state of deprivation forever. He is educated but makes little, and wastes what little he has. We struggle for everything that comes our way.
Now, the landlord, because of lack of pay, is demanding that we leave or pay him. He has started an eviction process. We have no money to go with, and nowhere to go. It, like everything, is in Jesus’s very capable hands.
And to top things off, my husband might be being fired. He failed to pass his evaluation. So we won’t even have any income. If he’s fired, it won’t really be that surprising. They’ve been threatening to fire him for a while now, and it’s a state job. It’s hard to get fired from a state job. But he’s good at being fired. He’s been fired multiple times in his career.
My husband’s health is failing, as is his mood. He’s falling apart. Honestly, I ache for him. I don’t hate him. I do hate what he’s done to us, but I know that my real battle is with Satan. My husband is simply a tool in his hands. He’s falling apart physically and emotionally. And that’s just one more thing on us.
What do you do when you don’t know what to do? You turn to the One who not only knows the way, but is the Way.
I’ve done that, and I’m leaning hard on Him, to make streams in the desert, paths where there are none, and to show us how and where and when to travel where He leads us, and to provide the means of doing so. We struggle daily to survive. Hand in hand with my Lord, I’m working towards changing that.
I’m working on changing everything.